pc catchall | homophonic | netzach

[metacognition]

code

      OBLOMOV.      

oblomov.
netzach.

❝ Now or never! 'To be or not to be!'"—Oblomov raised himself from his chair a little, but failing to find his slippers with his feet at once, sat down again. ❞

Comments

[abstractart]

[he's quiet, there, for several seconds. just... debating.]

I guess- I just wish I had asked anyway. Found out whether she would have told me herself. The explanation she gave Lambda... it would have applied to me, too.

[metacognition]

Mm.

[ he thought it might be something like that. they talked about it, a week or so ago.

fei du's quiet, for a moment, but it's not a bad pause - it's thoughtful. he's the type of person who considers his words carefully, particularly in this kind of topic. ]

... I think that being human is a very complicated thing. I wouldn't say that I considered Buzen inhuman, nor would I consider you inhuman. On the flip side, I've met people who are considered 'human', people from my world, where there's no other alternative, who I would barely consider human at all because of their behavior. I think even I can be inhuman, sometimes.

All of that is to say that I can't tell you what Libby would or wouldn't have thought. I can't say that choosing someone based on that reasoning is something I would do, if I was in her shoes. But I wasn't.

[ absently, he reaches into his pockets, fiddling with something in there. ]

It is a callous way to think, and I think sometimes people will look for anything to justify their actions.

[abstractart]

...sometimes justification is all we can really hope for, I think. That there'll be a good enough reason for what we've done.

I don't know. It's simpler and it's harder than it seems like.

[some things, you really can't justify. sometimes, the justification is all that keeps you going.]

I never considered him inhuman, either.

[metacognition]

And ultimately, any justification is up to the individual who perceives it. Nothing is ever truly simple.

[ fei du smiles, a little. he's that kind of person - when you look at him, it's like staring into a kaleidoscope, a constantly refracting image, a constantly shuffling parade of refracting lights. complexity is the way he lives. ]

You don't have to forgive her for it. I can't forgive whoever killed Shenhe - maybe that's selfish of me, but I don't care.

[abstractart]

... it's not that I don't forgive her. I don't think that it's necessarily fair to blame anyone here for wanting to live, or for wanting your team to live. None of it is fair-- that's the kind of situation we've all been put in, so if anyone really deserves to be blamed for it, then it's whoever decided on this.

[it's just-- it's hard to fault people for doing what they feel like they need to do.]

I just wish that if that's how she felt, she'd picked me. Going after him was always going to mean losing all three of them.

[metacognition]

[ what's it like to forgive people cannot relate he is a petty bitch ]

Mm. That's very true. [ and truthfully, he doesn't feel like he blames libby, or count D, or yang guifei, or even who killed lambda, whoever that was, but shenhe is different. ]

...but I - yes. I don't think she really thought that all the way through. [ here, fei du's expression does soften, mouth bowing into a soft frown. he was aware of that too, and it nags at the back of his head. ] ... I tried to prevent it from happening, at the end. I had hoped if people believed I was the one who did it, then it would be Libby and myself in the execution ring, and Matsui and Rang might have survived a bit longer.

But... I don't think they would have, anyhow. It's complicated - as many things are. [ he can't hold it against matsui, for not wanting to live anymore. someone said once, it's better to be dead if you can't be free, and if life itself is the shackle when someone's gone, it's... well. there's no sense in assigning fault. the only person he holds any sort of grudge for is... whoever killed shenhe. ]